would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
