Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
