**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize