WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize