Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
