and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
