so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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