I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
