Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize