You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
