Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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