normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
