You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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