This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
