I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
