NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
