Porn is love you can see.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
