I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
