He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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