um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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