forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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