Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
