This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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