I got chris browned last night
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
