I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
