How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
