remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
