just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
