taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
