I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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