you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
