I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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