After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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