chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
