Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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