Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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