I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
