i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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