the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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