I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
