my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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