He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
