why didn't you poke me back
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
