omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
