just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
