It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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