shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ketchup is God's man juice
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
