he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
