She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize