i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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