You can't motorboat a personality
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
