I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
is it fun? or sober?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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