Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize