You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
