hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
