I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
