I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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