Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
