'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
