Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
