She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
