So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
