And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
