she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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