it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
