mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
