yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize