I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
