I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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